메뉴 건너뛰기

정희수 칼럼

본문시작

KUKI Home Inspection and Photo

  Dr. Joseph Chung - Column
 정희수 칼럼



Paul hesitated to answer for a moment, because he had told his father that he did not like the idea. Paul’s thought was complex and complicated. It was not easy to think clearly and answer clearly.

What dominated his thought were his complaints about his father’s role as family head and husband. And on the top of it, he now had to give up everything he had built up including the network of friends. In short, Paul thought that his father was asking too much.
“ Father, why do we have to go to Canada? I do not like the idea. I am happy in Korea with my friends; I do not like to learn difficult foreign languages; I want to stay in Korea with grandmother; you go to Canada without me”, shouted Paul.
Kim became a little angry to see Paul’s violent reaction. But Kim tried hard to understand. In fact, he felt guilty for not having established sound relation with Paul. Since this incidence, Kim did not try any serious conversation until he arrived in Montreal.

Paul’s attitude changed radically after he arrived in Montreal. The big change was that he had to see his father every day and he felt the pressure to cultivate more sustainable relation. One thing Paul noticed was that his father was a faithful household head who tried very hard to house, feed and meet the needs of his family. Paul realized that his feeling toward his father in Korea was a little childish; he decided to open up with his father.

Paul had hard time in learning French, but succeeded in being accepted by a regular school in the NDG area. At first, it was not easy to catch up with other kids who were born here. He did not know how to get along with other kids; he was poor in developing a good relation with teachers. One day,  Paul decided to tell him his worried and expectations.
One afternoon, after the school, Paul went to Kim’s dépanneur as tried to serious discussion. But Paul was not sure how his father would react. Nevertheless, Paul tried his chance.
“Father, I feel lonesome at school. The kids do not want to include me in their gang; the girls giggle whenever I speak French with Korean accent; the teachers seem to be more severe with me than with others”, said Paul without conviction.
Kim was happy that Paul opened up and showed his inner life. Kim knew that his answer would be very important. He should be able to show Paul that he was knowledgeable, that he was concerned; that he loved Paul and that he was a good father.
Kim thought that the best approach would be humble and shows himself  to Paul as he was, no less, no more.

“My son, I do not know the Canadian education system more than you do. I do not pretend to know everything. I am sorry! But you and I can work hard together to learn the Quebec society and Quebec people.

Do not forget that our Lord is always with you and in you. Our Lord will protect you, do not be afraid about the people you meet. Try to see their good points; try to love them. Then, they will feel your sincerity and your neighborly love”, explained Kim slowly.
Paul was surprised to hear his father saying this. He felt guilty, but he was proud of his father who could say such thing to a child. Paul decided to become a good friend with his father. In fact, he became one.

This simple conversation transformed the father-son relation from a vertical system to a horizontal one. The new relation was based on love not obedience. This relation was a big help for Paul’s integration into the Quebec society where parents-children relation is based on love.

Kim’s philosophy of parents-children relationship has played a key role during the period of adolescence, youth and young adult period of Nancy and Paul. Paul went through some difficult period during his adolescence.

The period of adolescence is the period when the adolescence tries to build up his or her own identity by imitating the behavior of peers. This process of finding own identity through the value system of the peers means the efforts to free from the value system of parents.  This creates inevitably a friction between parents and children; the friction varies directly with the cultural distance of parents. The wider is the cultural difference, the deeper the friction is.
<to be continued>