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정희수 칼럼

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KUKI Home Inspection and Photo

  Dr. Joseph Chung - Column
 정희수 칼럼



The role of Kim and Sookja was one of leading the kids to right decisions on the basis n of their analysis and judgment.  This brought Kim and Sookja very close and allowed them to show consistent reaction in matters of the studies and the careers of the kids.

In fact, the Kim’s relation with his wife became very close owing to their co-management of their dépanneur. Almost all the important decisions were made collectively so that the position of Sookja was elevated. This new status was a little awkward for Sookja, but as time went by. she enjoyed and she could feel closer to Kim as equal. This made her to appreciate her husband as lover, business partner and above all, trustworthy friend.

The new relation between their parents gave a feeling of self-assurance of Paul and Nancy and, in fact, it gave them a strong motivation to succeed in their studies and career. Furthermore, the relation between their parents based on communication, mutual respect and deep love provided Paul and Nancy a model of successful marriage.

■Kim loved his children
Another challenge for Kim was his relation with his children. When Kim’s family arrived in Montreal in 1977, Paul was 12 and Nancy was 10 years old. Kim suddenly found himself with his kids on the daily basis. Prior to his immigration, he had no time to spend time with his kids; even he had time, he did not how to approach to Paul and Nancy. As far as the education of his kids was concerned, it was Sookja who took in charge.

When Kim came from work, the manifestation of his concern for the kids was very limited indeed.

“How was the day, Nancy’s Appa?”, used to greet Sookja.

“It was ok, I guess”, was the routine reply of Kim
“How are the children?”, asked Kim
“Well, they are all right. They got good marks for their homework.” used to observe Sookja
“Oh, I see”, would say Kim.

The conversation stopped there.

Kim seldom discussed with his children about their daily life. Kim was not interested in the fear, hope, expectation, self-doubt of the kids; he did not know how to get into the kids’ small world and participate. Kim was not aware how to communicate with the kids.

To communicate with someone, one has to know someone; to know someone, one has to spend time and talk with the person. Kim could not do all these. In short, Kim was a more or less a stranger to Paul and Nancy. But this was the common phenomenon in most of the Korean families. And, Kim was not aware of the fact that he was widening the psychological distance between his kids and himself.

When Kim resigned from his job at the company and prepared for the immigration, Kim faced suddenly his two kids on the daily basis. Kim realized that he did not know what to say to the kids. His kids hesitated to approach Kim and open their mind.

For the kids, their daddy was someone who paid for everything and who was the authority in the family; for them, Kim was someone to whom they had to obey. Nevertheless, owing to their mother, Kim was regarded by them as a good man and good father. This does not mean that the kids had a warm feeling for their father.

One day, before their departure for Montreal, Kim took his family to Jeju-Do to create some tender memories. Kim took a long walk on the beach with his two children and ties to find out their perception of their relation with their father.

“ Nancy, do you know that your father loves you very much”, said Kim with uncertain voice.
Nancy did not reply right away. Nancy did not understand what her father meant by love. For her, Daddy’s love for her should mean that he is with her, talks to her, shares her feeling, give her advice needed for the solution of her little problems. But she thought that she should say yes, because he was her father. She had been educated since her childhood that she must respect her father. In fact, Nancy thought that love meant respect.

<to be continued>